Introduction -- The 10 (+ 3) most unwanted list -- The lens of understanding -- The road to hell is paved with good intentions -- From conflict to cooperation -- Listen to understand -- Reach a deeper understanding -- Speak to be understood -- Get what you project and expect -- How to change your attitude -- The tank -- The sniper -- The know-it-all -- The think-they-know-it-all -- The grenade -- The yes person -- The maybe person -- The nothing person -- The whiner -- The no person -- The judge -- The meddler -- The martyr -- What if people can't stand you? -- Communication and the challenge of technology -- The eight ounces of prevention in phone communication -- The eight ounces of prevention in e-mail communication -- Afterword: How to take the big step of applying the little steps in this book.