Prologue: Monsters on the brain -- Tragic kingdom -- Spirit of '76 -- Funnel cake and arson -- Games -- Outlaw Draculas and the Keanu factor -- Hunting Sharkey -- Renfield country -- Crime and punishment -- Wal-mart Halloween -- Dr. Maggot and the ruby slippers -- Kurtz and Kurt Treptow -- Lost treasures of Dracula -- Conclusion: Planet Vlad.